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SEPTEMBER 2011 
THE PAPER OF RECORD 





previously the Journal of Last Year's Birds Nest With Not Much In It 



write to: Mothers News c/o Rhododendron Festival PO box 29081 Providence RI 02909 

http://www.mothersnews.net • info@mothersnews.net 



"1 gave the mouse a hole, and she is become my heire " 



NEWSPAPER GOIN HAMMER 



Hello out there and students welcome back to school and itinerant 
summer workers goooooooooooooooooooooooooo 
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 

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ooooooooooooooood night. September ("[ex]Cept 
Ember") is the end of Summer and the beginning of Fall, or, to be 
less dramatic, it's the beginning of Autumn. Let's be clear: it's not the 
end of the world- nothing is the end of the world. Autumn is simply a 
time when you are wearing long pants again, when you are still 
going to the beach but self-arguing about whether or not to go in. 
Your Summer romances should be wrapping themselves up and 
waving from the backseat of a car, and There Will Be That Smell In 
The Air- that smell of Autumn that will make you nostalgic for all the 
Autumns past when you felt nostalgic for the beginning of the 
previous summer. That's fair but try and remember there was never a 
halcyon era in which you didn't pine gloomily for a previous halcyon 
era... Let it happen, don't let it happen... who cares? On the one hand, 
it is certainly true that we drink the future and pee the past. On the 
other hand, drinking a limited amount of your own pee is said to be 
quite beneficial. Who Can Know? Farmer... irrigate thyself... 




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September is the ninth month, a harvest month. Nine is a number that 
graphically displays a wheel turning, a concept put to practical use in 
the naming of different models of Saab automobiles (nearly all of 
which begin with "9"). The glyph "9" is one of the oldest extant 
number glyphs other than "1", it can be traced back to ancient India. 
As the sign for this number was adopted by subsequent civilizations, it 
has changed and evolved, but has now come back to basically its 
beginning. It has literally spun around through time, and we have no 
reason to assume this spinning has stopped or ever will. Nine is lucky 
in Chinese, as the Chinese word for nine sounds like the word for 
"longlasting". It is unlucky in Japanese, where it sounds like "pain" or 
"distress". In German it sounds like the word for "no", and is neither 
lucky nor unlucky. There are 9 circles of Hell in Dante's Inferno, and 
"9 ladies dancing" in the 12 days of Christmas. These 9 ladies might 
as well be the 9 muses of Greek mythology: Calliope (epic poetry), 
Clio (history), Erato (erotic poetry), Euterpe (lyric poetry), 
Melpomene (tragedy), Polyhymnia (song), Terpsichore (dance), 
Thalia (comedy), and Urania (astronomy). 9 lunar months is the 
length of typical human gestation. Holidays in Septmber include Labor 
Day (September 5), World Peace Day (September 24), the Autumnal 
Equinox (September 23rd), and International Talk Like A Pirate Day 
(September 19). How did pirates talk in the days of "classic" piracy? 
Probably the same, but with more swearing... Contemporary sea 
pirates seem to have extremely polite communiques... And so-called 
"intellectual piracy" is mostly perpetrated out of boundless love of the 
thing you're profitlessly distributing... and everyone does it... 



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Now that the newspaper's an unmitigated success we got rid of our 
other jobs and all did our hair crazy, it's great. There's been a lot of 
Blondinis bumping around this summer, it makes town look like Village 
Of The Damned a little. A few people with short hair got those like 
party patches where it looks like their hair lost pigmentation because 
they were kicked really hard there, at a show or by a mule. There's a 
few freedom hawks, a couple of the farmers got Quite Practical Fades 
(QPFs), and there's a few babies running around with Tin Tin as the 
style point, that's the intersection of a chelsea cut and a pompadour, 
plus short pants and presumably crime solving. Get that look in while 
you can babies, because there's a Spielberg Tin Tin CGI movie coming 
out that's going to be... depressing. Anyway that was summerstyle, and 
now that Fall is knocking, now what? September is fashion month, so 
now what? 

Well, it's difficult in a stupid way to predict what the upcoming fashions 
will be, and the reason is pretty obvious: novelty is escalating at an 
exponential rate (the singularity) and the time between a thing and the 
nostalgia for the thing is getting shorter and shorter (the singularity). So 
everything's on the table. All we can offer is some heretofore always 
helpful guidelines: 

FiNb IT 

FRUiTS is a magazine dedicated to documenting street fashion in the 
Harajuku section of Japan. There's a readily-available book of best from 
1997 - 2001, and I think it's fair to say that this book had a good hand in 
jumpstarting the modern iteration of "street fashion" (aka people being 
more embracing of wild style in their everyday outfit). Anyway the first 
half of the book rules and then it gets sort of weaker at the end, and the 
reason is that in the beginning people didn't have stores that just sold 
weird clothes, they had to thrift a lot of it, and reuse things they had in 
an interesting way. You see a lot of outfits that start with the mandatory 
Japanese high school jogging suit, then get layered with tutus and 
upside-down overalls. Ultimately, that's more interesting than "I 
decided to pay a lot of money for a bunch of orange shit". So the lesson 
I would take away from this is: Use What You Got To Get What You 
Want. 

pooD ANfctoSY 

You know how sometimes a restaurant will use too much spices or 
ingredients in the food, because it makes it like an exotic talking point? 
but then the food ultimately isn't good or satisfying the way "home 
cooked" (aka "less number of ingredient") food is good? Same with 
fashion. You can be bold or whatever, anything, but be a good meal, not 
a bunch of talking points. Or be a snack. Or be a bunch of crap on a 
plate! Hahaha who cares? 

ftoG's TIF 

If you have like just one crazy thing on the outfit, like a glove with a 
laser on it that's always on, people are going to come up to you all night 
and be like "cool glove", and at the end of the party you'll realize you 
were playing second fiddle to a damn glove all night. By no means are 
we saying "don't use active lasers". Just be sure to balance it out 
somehow with it's opposite, which in this case is, I don't know, a wingtip 
shoe? A lace juncture? Unclear. Or keep stacking up miscellaneous 
future shit and have people be like "Yo, future person!" because you do 
not have a personality. 

Ho<-D tT 

Ladies technically *carry* a purse, but socially, they *wear* it, so it's 
not too out of bounds to carry a bag of potato chips and be like "I'm 
wearing a YSL cloak, coke-white Air Force Ones, and a bag of BBQ 
potato chips". Generally I think that backwards and forwards this is a 
good way to think about clothes. Show up at a party wearing a box of 
beers. Wear a pen your pocket to appear writerly (aka loose). Don't 
wear living animals (or children), that is the classic WC Fields No No. 

Nr\f0CF0fs//vof^/s/|^^r d HAUf ciNOce/sj 

Fashion is actually too big for any one person to do, just like how the 
only true art is a large gold-framed oil painting of Napoleon. So don't 
worry about it and just wear clothes that are fun to wear, that make you 
feel like the person you want to be at that moment or in the future, and 
that invite the good people to your presence / scare away the people 
who are not worth your time. It's not rocket science (which itself is not 
sorcery (which isn't fashion))! 



MidCoast Maine: "In Quotation" 
compiled by Dan Beckman 

Summer in Mid Coast Maine is about sweat, dirt, rocks, too 

many tourists, and swimming Get it while you can before 

the big freeze up. Squirrel away some nuggets for the 
eventually long winter when the getting is sparce, or otherwise 
frozen or near frozen and mudded up. 

Here is what folks are saying: 

"I can't wait to retire, so that I can start my business," Fritz 

Bletcha 

"Happy Woman, Happy Life," Harland Jackson 

"Children and Teenagers keep me in business," Archangel 

Computers 

"Only assholes don't drink Caffeine," Turned Word Records 

"Mumbeling dumb lyrics doesn't make them any better," 

Gordon Bok 

"plasma has your name on it," Bern Porter 

"Do you want it done right, or right now?" Hawthorn 

Renovation 

"Sirrrrrrr, dont take the lot of it, leave some ice for everyone 

else," Cashier @ Toziers Grocer 

"At least I ain't sweating" Cashier at Rankins building supply 




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Gesturing while you talk (even while on the phone) can make your thoughts easier to understand,! because 'it takes 
some of the pressure off your language brain to choose absolutely the best word, which doesn't reallV matter usually. 
Of course this works because gesture isn't a language, it's more like a sauce or shade. Nonetheless there are gestural 
words- gestures with a more or less fixed meaning, and like all words, their meanings can change in ^ontext and over 
time. 

This gesture means "A-OK" or "everything's great"- way above "OK"-- firmly into 
"good", on into "yes, definitely" or even "perfect". In deep sea diving and live sound 
engineering, the A-OK is preferred to the thumbs up, which can be miscontrued as 
"let's go up" or "turn it up" or "[something something] up". In certain contexts the A- 
OK can also mean "zero" (still keeping the concept of perfection). In multiple non- 
contiguous sections of the world, it means "asshole". In the Arab world it is a looking 
glass that you show someone, meaning "you will see [what happens when you fuck 
with me]". In Europe if you put the A-OK up to your face with your nose sticking out 
the circle, it means "drunk". In Japan it means "zero" or "money". In American Sign 
Language it means "9". 

Essentially the A-OK is the inverse of "the finger", and like any member of a dichotomy, it can also mejan its 
opposite, which is useful in situations where you need to tell someone off, but also need a certain deniability. like if 
someone tells you what to do, and you flash them the A-OK, you're aquiescing to their demands ih an ojverly- 
agreeable manner, one that flops semantically back to "fuck off", while keeping all the trappings of politeness. In 
many situations this is a good way to have your meaning made clear and not get beat up, and also dispell the tension 
that can result from an angry and possibly one-sided encounter. Uh, we should restate that the A-OKi still means 
"perfect". \ \ 

NB: the origin of the phrase "OK" is still disputed, but the origin of "A-OK" (in spoken form, not ( i 

as a gesture) can be traced definitively back to NASA's Project Mercury. I ' 





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The finger, aka Digitus Impudicus, aka "The Bird", is a gesture whose imeariing is 
probably quite clear to all readers of Mothers News. A slow and casual d^velopiement 
has been the finger's gradual slide (via "total freedom") into peace sign territory. 'When 
something exciting happens at the Mothers News office, be it the Platters on jthe raidio or 
cookiesmell on an open breeze, it's bird bird bird, bird is the word. The wand, the 'active 
principle. Similarly the peace sign (via "peace out") has turned somewhat piale^olent, 
and has come to mean "I'm done with this / you". As with the A-OK, these gesturds still 
maintain their original "fuck you" and "sell me weed" meanings. \ x 



With hip hop the dominant form of pop music, and rock music 
calcified to an archaism, what of metal? Now that the "rock hand" 
gesture has changed meaning from "I am in league with Satan" to 
"display of enjoyment for this music", whither the metalheads? In 
rejection of trends and waves of co-option, metalheads have gotten 
more refined, and reserved in mode of dress. And what was once 
their salute, the familiar "devil horns" gesture, has also gotten more 
reserved. No longer splayed out like an explosion, the new devil 
horns is presented with the thumb neatly tucked in, and the index and 
pinky finger parallel. More often than not the display is made with the 
back of the hand facing front. With the exception of this last detail, the 
gesture has become identical to the "P-Funk salute" of intergalactic 
funk band Parliament Funkadelic. The P-Funk salute shoots funk 
beams into the sky to summon the Mothership, and permits entry 
once the ship has arrived. The connection between these two groups 
isn't really out of line, as both metal and P-Funk deal with: fertile 
darkness, not belonging where you currently are, and being a warrior. 
NB: the metal horn sign, old and newer variant, still mean "two outs" 
in baseball. 



« TILL on Tttf O Gf 

- double middle finger air quotes 

- hula hooping with no hula hoop 

- "the other finger" (the ring finger) 



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in no order 

1. THE ULTIMO - I stopped by Josh's work and saw this post-it note was 
on this CD. "We listened to this yesterday and Gary really liked it, so he 
asked me to write that so he'd remember 'which one is THE ULTIMO'". 
That was a year ago, but I thought about this yesterday while listening to 
Pharoah Sanders "Karma". 

2. HELLHAMMER - great stupid metal, kind of a perfect band... 

3. REMOTE OUTPOSTS - Greg Harvester's excellent music blog of tapes 
from his excellent collection. Crucial units from ONION FLAVORED 
RINGS, GRUMPIES, IMPRACTICAL COCKPIT, TEM EYOS KI, and 
waaaaaay more. Cram the pod full! Remoteoutposts.blogspot.com 

4. I SAW A UFO - It was the night of the storm, when the power went out, 
me and Satchmo were playing cards on the lawn until the sun went 
emphatically down and we couldn't see what the cards were anymore 
(satisfying nostalgic feeling). Then we were on the hood of the car looking 
at more stars than usual, then I saw a little red light very far away that 
slowly drifted, then zagged impossibly before peaceing. Corroborated by 
Satchmo and Nicky Revs, also seen by Alex the Dancer, who was a few 
blocks away at the time. I'm not saying it was a flying saucer- it was just a 
FO that was U. The main moment feeling was of is this real. 

5. ARE YOU READY FOR THE SEX GIRLS? by GLEAMING SPIRES - 
really cool song, really weird totally SFW video. I probably had this song in 
my head for a full third of the month. 

6. CLEANSING WAVE - great crust band from Worcester with 
HEAAAAAVY reverb vocals and WAAAAAAAY flanged guitars, two 
factors that contribute to the "complete obliterating wave" feel. 

7. VAN MORRISON contractual obligation record - Van the man in the 
early stages of his career, getting out of a contract dispute by showing up 
drunk and cutting 31 excellent off the cuff pop songs one after another, the 
record works as a larger piece as well, starting off with 5 standard- style 
dance tunes ("Twist and Shake", "Shake and Roll", "Stomp and Scream", 
"Scream and Holler", and "Jump and Thump"). By track 9 the songs are 
getting personal against the recording staff ("Hold On George", "Here 
Comes Dumb George", "Goodbye George"). And there is also the perfect 
amount of actual nonsense ("you say fiance and i'll whistle") to make you 
feel like the singer is not without his passions. A great document, and a 
really fun record. Look for "new york sessions 1967" 

8. NOT HAVING LYME DISEASE - I was just just regular New England 
Summer Crazy! Thanks Carmen for the painless, worryfree test! ! ! ! ! ! 

9. WORK/DEATH at CITY EFFECT at 2am - a good solid set, and a great 
experience while I was really tired. I laid down on the ground, then the set 
ended and I was in bed within 15 minutes. 

10. EARTHQUAKE - 1 thought it was people having sex. 



HEH? 





! DDNNQ 






THE AMBROSE BIERCE MEMORIAL 
WORD JUMBLE 

bv Ambrose Bierce before he died 





MNILCSOUOP The eloquence of power. 

uuuuuuuuuu 

YEETMERC An isolated suburban spot 
where mourners match lies, poets write at a 
target and stone-cutters spell for a wager. 

uuuuuuuu 

ECKOTP The cradle of motive and the 
grave of conscience. . .. 

uuuuuu 



OfflCffl-l |^ Fofyvtf-r/ o H 



Mothers News is published by Rhododendron Festival, and is copyright 2011 THE EDITORS. Mothers 
News is published monthly, and is available free wherever you can find it, or by paid subscription. Our 
offices are in Providence RL For all manner of inquiry please write Mothers News c/o Rhododendron 
Festival PO Box 29081 Providence RI 02909 or email info@mothersnews.net 

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D£A# TOMATO BREAD 

Despite having effectively no money forever, I got one of those touch screen phones (the 
kind with apps). I got it third-hand, passed from buddy to buddy, because the pause 
button that freezes the screen's input function and makes you not butt-dial people, was 
broken. My solution (actually my second solution, after "not care", which proved 
difficult) was to turn on the calculator function when I was done sending a text oi 
whatever. That way when the phone was in my pocket, rather than accidentally calling 
an ex roommate and telling them "[sound of metal money]", I was doing random 
computations. I found it to be very satisfying knowing that this fairly robust compute) 
was in my pocket all the time tirelessly punching up elaborate and essentially infinite 
problems, and not to be all "what's it all about", but it put my life into a pleasant relief. 
SO you can imagine my bewilderment when I pulled the damn thing out of my pockei 
one day and found that the current state of the calculation displayed -0 !!!!!!! 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH what is -0???? alternately is my phone broken sincerely 

DEAR CONFUSED 

Before consuling Wikipedia, I ruminated and meditated on the idea "negative zero" for a good solid 
day and a half: what it could mean regular, and what it could mean relative to a human life. Like you 
(sort of? ?), I came up with nothing. My understanding of the number line was that positive numbers 
go off infinitely in one direction and negative numbers infinitely the other way, and zero is certainly in 
the center. I thought maybe "phone is broken". 

As it turns out, negative zero is real, and while it is not used in everyday math (where for most uses 
-0 = 0), it is computationally valuable (and hence, psychologically valuable). Negative zero is the 
inverse of negative infinity, which is important because otherwise the inverse of infinity and the inverse 
of negative infinity would both equal the same thing, 0, so infinity and negative infinity would be the 
same, which they kind of are, but whatever, I'm not going to nonsplit anti-hairs. Also negative zero is 
what infinitessimal negative numbers round up to (infinitessimal positive numbers round down to 
positive zero). 

The crazy thing is that negative zero is a number that implies motion towards. Despite 
being nothing, negative zero comes with the information that it is coming up from less 
than nothing. Let's say we're talking about temperature in Celcius, where zero means 
frozen water. If water is zero celcius and frozen, it is negative zero. If it's zero and still 
water, it is positive zero. Negative zero dollars is how much money you have when you 
have just paid off all hanging debts, and have no money. Negative zero comes with the 
information that it hung out at less than zero for a second. 

So what does this mean? Well, it's important to remember that generally numbers kind of don't do this- 
in most situations a number describes a point on the line, not a point with movement towards. Or to 
put it another way, usually a number will tell you how many of a thing there are, not also how many of 
a thing there used to be, or how many of a thing whatever many of things want there to be of things. 
Apparently a lot of weird stuff happens around zero, on the cusp of being. 

OK, here's a direction to take this: You know how people say "i don't know" to mean "no"? 
Like you say "do you want to go drink a selzter with me" and they're like "I don't know..."? 
Well if you think about being "0 bits of information", then +0 is like "i secretly know but 
am being polite" and -0 is like "i honestly don't know, so let's do it and i'll find out". Right? 



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LAST MONTH'S LINE-O-GRAPH WINNERS 



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bioluminescent! 
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this type of radiolarian lives in colonies of 8 
single celled organisms (the dark balls are 

the single cells) 

the 8 live attached to 
each other on a sphere of 
double layered triangles 
made out of microscopic 

glass threads, like this: 

No one knows how they make these glass 
spheres, they've only ever been seen fully 
built. They also have glass spike hats. 





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SOURCE WALL is a randomly generated table 
of 144 alphabetic characters. There are many 
different ways to use such a table- you could use 
it to select a random password, you could use it 
to create a month-long cipher solvable only by 
others with access to this issue of Mothers News 
(http://tinyurl.com/ D9 08 07 N8 K2 J3 J9 E4), 
you could search for words and near-words that 
may be relevant to your life, you can use it to 
select a new name— there are literally infinite 
methods of use. For disbelievers in astrology 
who see the benefit of being guided by a truly 
random block of text assigned to a specific time 
period, SOURCE WALL may prove especially 
useful. 

SOURCE WALL expresses true randomness as 
derived from atmospheric noise, not the 
pseudorandomness that is created by many so- 
called random number generators. Mothers 
News has no control over any possible content 
herein, be it inferred or seemingly explicit, and 
is not responsible for any possible meanings 
derived, or the ramifications of actions taken as 
a result. Randomness provided by Random.org. 
please send success stories only to: 
info@ mother snews. news 



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GRAVEYARD DUCKS is about a bunch of ducks that live in a graveyard. There is also a pond 




Recently in Witch Beach: Stephen the powerless patriarch has been suffering after his cool witch wife 
Eleanor turned his tongue into a frog. He went to the beach to cry. 




"The Many Names of Boys" 



So he was always called 
Harold Bluetooth so as 
not to be mixed up with 
the other Harolds. 



They sat at the counter 
in listed order. The 
miscreant's hand was 
closed on something. A 
boy's name is what 
matters to him; 
otherwise he need not 
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thousands of boys crop 
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Kate Schapira's THE SAINT is an examination of Saints and Saintliness. told one saint at a time, a different saint each month. No pictures on purpose! 



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home base: Garbage 

powers/abilities: Eating and 

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weakness: Water 
wants: Food 

fears: Ocean 

precious object: Stomach 

occupation: Garbage 

partners: Dasher 
enemies: No one (yet?) 

origin story: The garbage 
mutated into eating 
bomb. 



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P.F. KING O TH ROAD: THNX 4 
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APPROACH, LOVE 2 RIDE IT 
ROUND THE LOT —"SUMMER 
BREEZE" <3 COOL DOG 

The Terribles you are cute! -C. 
deSedouy 

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SHOUTOUT TO DRUNKIKO 
FROM FERN GULLY 

SHOUTOUT TO RICK BLAZE 
R.I. P. LOVE WILL <3 

shoutout to from derek to david 
cassidy come on get happy 



by Josephine Mendes 

Hi everyone wow cool last month huh? I mean last month was cool, we went out and did stuff, wow... looking 
back I feel like 80% of my time was under intermittent fluorescent lighting outdoors on white vinyl... that was 
my feeling... good feeling... hey speaking of a good feeling guess what everyone likes? Karaoke... notable 
hits: TOMMY BUBU "do u like pina coladas", SARAH RIDER [self-styled Ludacris medley over "it takes 2" 
woo-ha beat], and NICKY REVS "we didn't start the fire". The craziest thing at the karaoke thing was KYLIE 
AMBULANCE singing that JOE JACKSON song to Al ISSHIKI like "Ai Isshiki going out with him? Ai Isshiki 
gonna take. him. home, to-nite?". Ah... we ate that shit up... Music is the healing force of the universe... Hey 
have you seen LEXIE MOUNTAIN'S new car? And more important to the narrative, have you wondered 
where the money for it came from? Also, did you also look closely at the credits for SHREK 4? 
HMMMMM???? Interesting... Yo Lexie hook me up with that Mike Myers money, I gotta get a tooth filled... Hey 
speaking of an unfilled gap, ALEE PEOPLES and STOLTZ got across the country OK, but I guess it took 12 
days because STOLTZ insisted they stop in every state to get TWIZZLERS because they supposedly taste 
different from state to state? Which I guess they do but I think that has more to do with what you wash them 
down with... Hey, I'm not Joey Twizzler, I don't know... If STOLTZ is gonna go to the bat for this, OK... Hey 
HANNAH ABELOW has a new apartment that's pretty nice, it's above a hat shop and underneath... another 
hat shop! Her apartment is an apartment sandwich on hat shop bread! You know what they say, "As Abelow, 
So Aabove". ...Hey I keep seeing @MANDYSEZZ at shows in Providence and I stand right behind her and 
have loud dumb conversations but she never tweets me. Honestly unsure how to feel about this... :/ Good 
news everyone- JONES CHANDLER has resurfaced! Everytime I see him nowadays he's eating tiny bags of 
gourmet jellybeans, and he gives me a tiny bag of jellybeans, and we both eat tiny bags of jellybeans 
together... "Where does he get the jellybeans?" you ask? On that subject alone he really clams up... And hey 
speaking of clams, you guys tried that new clam energy drink? SOPHIE HENDRY was drinking it at the 
MIRROR/DASH show... It's weird though, because I thought everything with clams already had energy in it? 
Did clams never have energy in them and now they do? Someone tell me how food works now, IRDK... 
DAVEY HARMS (previously "HOT HANDS") has a new nickname for Fall... "X-CLAW"... pretty sick... Sick 
show the other night at the Obscure Entertainment Complex here in Olneyville- I don't remember who played 
but beforehand I watched CATMAN MEOWSKI draw a cat's face in sharpie perfectly on the back of his own 
shaved head... Hey I keep getting s3xXy spam messages from EILEEN WU, it's pretty cool... Eileen don't 
even delete that account, let us dream... let everyone in your address book dream that you are trying to sell 
us something with "margarita" in the title that isn't a margarita... hey speaking of beautiful dreams, are they 
making AVATAR 2 or what? I want to see more blue people on screen STAT and no, Smurfs don't count. I 
almost went to see the Smurfs movie, then I didn't, then I realized that I'm living in the alternate reality of the 
alternate reality JOSEPHINE MENDES who DID see the Smurfs, and wishes she DIDN'T... other me: u 
suck... Other mes on the Smurfless universe possibility branch... we rule... u[s] go girl[s]... Hey speaking of 
me ruling, am I the only one who stole a smoky kiss at the ALEX THE DANCER kissing booth? Stealing is 
(generally) bad, but my conscience is clear- I figured that if i did it people would think it was a cool thing to 
do, and they'd make more money for teenage vampires who can't read or whatever they were trying to raise 
money for, I forget / never knew... I've been known to topple a single domino... hey, JENINE BREASTNERD 
came back from Peru with (duh) colorful clothes, plus very pleasant food descriptions, after we talked I went 
to the kitchen inspired, and I really thought I was innoventing something real wild, urban, and dangerous, but 
then I stepped back and it was just potato salad... still good... Hey MOTHERS NEWS cartoonists CHUCK 
FORSMAN and MELISSA MENDES (no relation) moved out of bArf City to the woods of Western Mass, like 
almost New York... frown face... this 10% confirms my theory that Chuck is a wolfperson who needs to be 
periodically locked in a cabin. Hey all you good people out there... GOOD LUCK! 

IMAGE ATTRIBUTION 

Corleone, Julian's, and tiny Showcase ads by Shea'la Finch. Machines with Magnets ad by Ian Cozzens. White Electric and Chelsea Culp ads by Tom B.U.B.U.L. 

Mclnnis ad by John Singer Sargent. All other ads by the people who paid for them or Jackie H Curtiss. 

HAT TIPS 

HT to Ca$hman for "gold frame napoleon" riff. HT to Curtin Brothers for "[x] sandwich on [y] bread" riff. 

MOTHERS NEWS will return in one month with a 12 page HALLOWEEN SHITCOMEDY OF TERRORS!! 
coming in November: Mothers News Literary Supplement. 



TO GET YOUR SHOUTOUT IN THE NEXT 
ISSUE GO TO MOTHERSNEWS.NET $3 
100 CHARACTERS POSITIVITY ONLY 



PSSST! Mother's Good Word this 
month is PEPTIDE. If anyone 
asks you for "Mother's Good Word", 
that's what it is. And if you need a 
semi-public password for any reason, 
and you need it to expire in a month, 
please use Mothers Good Word. 



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© 



Style is identity and signature. It is 
3 ) th e antithesis of critical adventure. 

Celebrated artists are failures in 
this regard. If they were truly creative their 
first act would be to dispense with such 
redundancies and change their own work. 
Ignore them they are the dispossessed. 




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